This was used as a contest entry on Reddit. The contest had a 250 word limit, I managed to make it just under that. It’s a bit silly, but I kind of like it. Of course I liked it better when it was just over 300 words… the cuts were harsh.
This is the story of my life so far. Since I’m not dead yet, it’s not complete, but it’s a story. The first, and probably most important thing is that parts are what happened, parts are as I remember them happening, other parts, bullshit. This story is a lie, the lies are the most true parts. It feels like things felt. It’s like Key Lime Pie: I could write “Take half a cup of lime juice (approx. three limes) or half a cup of key lime juice (preferable) and mix gradually with one can of Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk and the yolk of three eggs. Take the whites of three eggs, beat them until they hold stiff peaks, gradually adding half a cup of sugar. Pour filling mixture into pie crust, add meringue, bake in oven preheated to 350 degrees for 15 minutes. Cool. Serve” or I could tell you about the delicate contrast of the bitter lime to the rich thick sweetness of the sweetened condensed milk, the way the meringue browns so perfectly, the crispness as you press your fork down, the way the filling flows over your tongue, enveloping your taste buds… damn, I want key lime pie now. That this story won’t tell you exactly what I did in my life, it will tell you how things felt. I am doing my best to not let facts get in the way of essential truth. I have changed details to protect the guilty, or just myself.